Dearest Diary

I'm back !!!!!!!!!

Recently some people have been asking what happened to Diary Dearest and why I haven’t been posting. You probably don’t believe me and I honestly almost don’t believe me either— but I swear to God they have, I swear on my life, I swear on Jesus Christ, someone noticed I was gone and wondered where I had disappeared.

Sorry I was away— I was on the moon. I want you to know it was very peaceful there. I was lying in a moth coloured crater, looking up at the stars, looking up at God, wondering how ever a girl like me could be so lucky. During my time in the sky I wondered why God would show me (of all people) so much kindness. The moon is a wonderful place to be. Kindness is a beautiful feeling. I am so blessed, my heart.

Sorry I lied. I wasn’t stuck in a crater on the moon, I was underwater with all the newts and the frogs… well not really, what I mean to say is I’ve been swamped with Life and had like a milllion different things to do, a milllion different stars to catch. I can handle it though I can be strong (I think). I’m not afraid of Nothing, I can handle it. And everything (for once) has been really exciting actually.

It’s important to remember however that No matter how busy you are you should always try and make some space in your day for your dreaming (if you can) and also for the things you love (if you can). Through past experience, I have come to know that both of these things are a great privilege and not to be taken for granted at all.

Speaking of things I love, yesterday I went to the beauty salon and asked the lady if she could make my fingernails look like pearls. I love pearls. She said yes, she could make my fingernails look like pearls because there’s this one nail polish that acts as a sort of top coat. It’s called "Pearl" and it makes everything soft and marbled and everso slightly frosted like morning mist.

When I asked the lady if it’s a common colour, this "Pearl”, she said no. I wondered why more girls didn’t want their nails to look like pearls and whether there was something wrong with me. Often I used to think this thought when I was smaller, but not as of recent because I’ve been too busy and happy.

In case you are not familiar with the process of getting a manicure, I will explain it to you so you can get a rough idea of what it entails.

First the ladies at the salon prep your nails by filing them into a shape— like square, oval, or even squoval (which, if you had not guessed by the name is a mix of the two). Then they add a base coat and on top of it a top coat (which is usually crystal clear, like an intensely clean fish tank).

In between all the layers of paint you have to dry your nails in a machine which is like a hairdryer, but for your hands. It makes everything quicker. The hand drying machine looks like a giant mechanical clam.

Sometimes the ladies also lather oil into the cuticles, which is supposed to be good for you. I like things that are good for you so I always say yes when this is offered to me.

Anyway, the base colour the lady applied first to my nails was a blush pink satin shade. A small part of me considered asking her not to add the second top coat "Pearl" because my fingertips looked like they’d slipped into ballet slippers which was so cute to me, but then I remembered how much I wanted my hands to be pearlescent so I didn’t interfere and stuck with the original plan.

Before leaving the salon, the lady asked if she could take a couple of i-phone pictures of my hands, (which were like Pearl) and “so pretty” apparently. This request startled me (in a good way) because I’d never considered my hands to be particularly beautiful, or charming in anyway— they were just my hands.

As I walked out onto the street to catch my bus I thought to myself "the lady at the beauty salon just made me one step closer to Pearl", which was a lovely feeling and something I’d always dreamt about— being a real life Pearl. She was a miraclemaker.

Gosh, it’s so nice when your dreams come true. The world is my oyster, I later thought to myself as TFL carried me out into the pink sunset in his big, red arms. Finally I am safe.

There was a time in my life not too long ago when my nails were chipped because I didn’t have enough time to paint them in between all the overwhelming (in a bad way) life things I had going on. This caused me a great deal of shame and I was scared it would never end, but it did.

As of late the world feels very nice. I’ve been eating sesame seed bagels for lunch, stopping to greet the birds on my way to places, and feeding them leftover crumbs. And now also, my hands look like pearl. All these things make me very glad to be alive.

Dear whoever is reading this, I hope you feel blessed and loved and are surrounded by many many things that make you smile. Finally, don’t forget that the world is your oyster too (even though sometimes it might not feel like it).